I learned a little too late that it’s never too early to think about college in high school. In fact, most of my time in high school up to this point was spent preparing for college in one way or another, yet I hadn’t managed to take it seriously until now. The stress of realizing that I need to make major decisions -that I had previously avoided- is growing all too fast. Ultimately, I’m becoming extremely overwhelmed by the threat of considering my plans after graduation so that I haven’t gotten around to actually thinking about my options.

A majority of this stress stems from not having a clue about what I want to do with my life. I’ve often thought about it and come up empty handed besides feeling hopelessly uninspired. I imagine many students feel the same grief, and while seems like everyone figures it out eventually, I never imagined it would be so difficult to do so. Still, I may be unsure if college is the right option for me, but it’s a sensible choice that I haven’t written off completely. However, even considering college is a challenge. I understand that it’s universally problematic for high school students, and our school is charitable in offering resources for assistance with college-related problems exactly like mine, yet I still don’t find myself reaching out to utilize them. If I had been interested in college earlier, I might have a better grasp on my future at this point, but instead I feel pressed for time. The easiest way out of this for me it just to put it off further.

Regardless, I’m excited for my future after high school. My problem isn’t necessarily being scared of making a choice, but it’s feeling like I’m running out of time to do so. The idea of college is a lot to absorb in a short amount of time. Preparing for a gap year is a lot of stress in a short amount of time. Considering other kinds of secondary education is also stressful in a short amount of time. And taking the time to consider what I’m going to do makes feel like I’m wasting time I don’t have.

When I consider college seriously, it doesn’t feel legitimate. The cost, the classes, the thought of moving out: none of it seems real. It’s nerve wrecking to be unable to imagine myself actually going to college, and still, I research colleges as if I don’t feel that way at all. I’ve come to understand that this sudden pressure I feel to decide on my fate can’t be solved by forcing myself to research colleges or look into majors I wouldn’t care about. As frustrating as it is, I’m just not excited about the idea of college, and I’ve come to terms with it. I’ve also come to terms with the fact that I’m not unique in this situation, that many students require empathy.

I may feel like I’m in the same mental state as the beginning of my existential crisis; however, I think I have a better grip on my future now. College is still a huge question mark that I’m unsure how to handle, but I’m more excited to figure it all out. Recognizing that I can’t slow time or move backwards has only given me the option to move forward, regardless of how prepared I am for it.